tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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