So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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