Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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