Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
