i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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