yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
