just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
