i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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