i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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