do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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