he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
