How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Life without a bra equals bliss.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
