if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
