Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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