honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
