Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
