Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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