I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Boobs speak an international language.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
