i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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