He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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