First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
