Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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