Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
