she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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