DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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