Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
