Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
