goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
