my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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