My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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