I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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