I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
