I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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