she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
