As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
