it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
