am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I feel like abortions should bother me more
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
