I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
