PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
