I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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