pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
