Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
