i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got inside last night via doggy door
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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