oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize