I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
