Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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