I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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