i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
