In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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