They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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