obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
