Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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