i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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