When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
