so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
