i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
