Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
