Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
