Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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