Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
