critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm at about main and main street
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
