HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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