My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
