Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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