I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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