He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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