roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
