Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
