True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
