thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
