And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
