We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
