It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
