I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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