hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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