You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
