if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
