Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
