I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
