someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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