running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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